3 Ways to Avoid Being Drained by Other People

by | Mar 27, 2016 | Business, Lifestyle, Physical Wellbeing, Psychological and Emotional Wellbeing, Relationships, Self Development & Success Skills, Spirituality

3 Ways to Avoid Being Drained by Other People

 

“People inspire you, or they drain – pick them wisely”. Hans F Hansen 

 

Has there ever been a time you were hanging around someone and after you felt completely drained? Maybe you were wondering if it was coincidence, or there was some other problem from your end? If you have experienced this then you are not alone!

 

There is many ways to look at this for happening but if we break it down to two main factors it will help you understand the reasons behind this happening.

 

The first point is “everything is energy” and we all know this as it is a proven fact that the world and everything in it is made up of tiny atoms that vibrate at a certain frequency to give us the reality that we see and feel in front of us. Now being that everything is energy and we are all connected on some level, this is all happening on an unconscious level. It is adamant to our existence and the issue sometimes is how we connect with others and the reasons we do, whether it be a positive or negative connection, or even our environments. Just as an example the energy in monk castle is going to be a lot different to a maximum security prison.

 

Next is people. You might have noticed some people just like to complain and see the negative side to everything and all this really is, is a point of focus. This perspective of thinking carries a certain energy and if you were in the room with them or in a conversation the fact of the matter is you both need to meet on some level to establish rapport. If you are not firm in your energy sometimes it can just drain you because negative needs positive to survive not the other way around.

 

So may people feel drained after talking or even being around a few people, and like previously mentioned the exchange happens because the different levels and you might leave feeling exhausted, drained or even upset. Now this is all choice and if you allow this to happen it will happen, it all comes back to your standard. What is your standard for people treating you, for the energy you expose your energy too?

 

So how to handle such people and avoid being drained?

 

 Identify:

To avoid being drained by other people, you should identify who drains you and possible assess how it makes you feel, is it something that is coming from you or is just a relationship that is weighing you down, either way ask the question how much time and energy are you willing to give it? Generally, these individuals have a few traits you can look out for:

 

  • They’re intrusive and don’t keep to their boundaries

  • Dramatic and critical

  • Find faults with everyone and everything

  • Argue and complain a lot

  • Overtly demanding and don’t take NO for answer

  • Blame others for any mishap that happens

 

Now being a holistic coach I am a big believer in everyone is a reflection of you and you are responsible for your surroundings, so I ask before you jump to avoid everyone like this maybe ask yourself – do any of these traits exist in me? In these situations it is recommended to go with your gut feeling if you feel you need to separate yourself from people like this then do it.

 

Reduce Contact:

Like mentioned earlier, identifying is the first step in not letting others drain you. What’s the next step? Of course, it is staying away from them but like I said be sure that you are not just avoiding you. Creating space is important even if you can’t fully avoid, reduce your time with them, I understand sometimes these people might be the closest to you but at the end of the day it is you that is suffering and you are here on this earth to look after you. So you could give an excuse to reduce the time you spend with them or keep it professional and avoid unnecessary questions.

 

Don’t Get Involved:

You may have a desire to help people and that is amazing but you can’t be thinking you can fix the person because if you are unaware of what are doing you could just bring your own world down. The fact is you can’t fix other people they have to do it themselves, you may guide them they way. Be empathetic but don’t try and be the psychologist and start to diagnose is what I am saying. Establish clear limits and boundaries and become more aware of your energy and visualize yourself being disconnected by the person e.g. visualise the energy cords between you and the person being cut by a big pair of scissors.

 

Helping others is a great, but when it comes to handling negativity, you need to have your energy strong and centered to assist. Because if you are not centered you could get pulled in like quick sand.

 

The most powerful thing you can do is build your energy with positivity and if that means doing physical clean out than follow your gut and do it.

Peace and Love 

Michael Sorgiovanni 

 

 

 

 

 

Resolve a Conflict – 7 Strategies

by | Mar 20, 2016 | Lifestyle, Natural and Alternative, Physical Wellbeing, Psychological and Emotional Wellbeing, Relationships, Self Development & Success Skills, Spirituality

7 Strategies to Resolve Conflict

 

 

“Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to resolve a conflict by peaceful means”. Ronald Reagan

 

 

Conflict is a part of life and it is not something you will avoid completely, it is more something you resolve a conflict and let go at the time. Whether you are a student, teacher, sportsman or businessman. Conflict happens everywhere and for various reasons in each situation. It is therefore important you resolve it in order to avoid relationship breakdowns.

 

There are different types of conflicts you can experience with an individual and if there were to be one that could cause the most abrupt decision it is a conflict in values. When our values are conflicted on a deep level it can be more of a challenge to resolve as our values are a part of our identity at the time.

 

Here are 7 strategies to resolve a conflict.

 

Make a rational assessment.

When conflict appears in you life you have a choice to react and get angry or remain calm and distinguish yourself from the situation and resolve a conflict. Giving yourself time to assess the situation for what it is and act rationally it will be easier to resolve the conflict.

 

Communicate to resolve a conflict.

Communication is the key to resolving conflict, but it should be done in a calm and non-threatening manner. You can be assertive in your communication but never aggressive and never blame anyone else for an issue at the end of the day you are in it and you put yourself there. Blaming has never resolved anything in life and it never will, all it will do it amplify the situation. Look at the problem as if it is an opportunity to grow and you will find some resolution.

 

Change your focus.

One of the easiest ways to make an issue worse is focusing on the bad at the time. When doing this, the problem will only get bigger and bigger, and all you begin to see is all the bad and negative traits. Look at the other person’s point of view and solve it practically. Remember the same thing might be in front of us and that doesn’t mean we all see the same thing to resolve a conflict.

 

 

 Keep an open perspective.

Never look at things as black and white because all you are doing is limiting yourself to any form of growth and resolution. Looking from the perspective of black and white is the same as right and wrong it can only go two ways and when egos are involved the situation tends to heighten. Be open to possibilities as to why the conflict is there and this will get you out of the unproductive narrow mindset, and resolve a conflict.

 

 

Create a mutual agreement.

While finding a solution between two parties, opinions can vary. Don’t force other to accept your opinion. Having a mutual agreement is crucial, when everyone agrees the no longer exist.

 

 Listen.

If you want to resolve conflict then you must be willing to listen to the other persons voice not just your own. Even if the other parties are screaming and yelling, remain calm and try to listen. You might be surprised that what they are saying could really be a message to themselves but that is not your job to tell them. Your job is to listen and when someone sees that you hearing what he or she is saying it builds trust and when trust is there an agreement is around the corner.

 

Stay present.

Don’t make assumptions and don’t bring the past into a situation you are trying to resolve. Factual information and being present in the current situation will allow an opportunity for communication to be more open and make it easier to resolve the conflict.

 Peace and Love 

Michael Sorgiovanni 

 

find peace 3 simple steps to find it

by | Feb 28, 2016 | Lifestyle, Natural and Alternative, Psychological and Emotional Wellbeing, Relationships, Self Development & Success Skills, Spirituality

3 simple steps to find peace in life

 

Find Peace in you life

If I were to ask you do you remember when was the last time you stopped and just did something for yourself, something that you enjoy, what would the answer be? No? Or not recently? If you answer this questions with yes you have to find peace in your life.

 

It is easy to get caught up in life. Life can just get so busy and we blink our eyes and another day is over. We get so caught up with making excuses to not go here because we have to do this. We just never seem to get around to catching up with that friend or doing that hobby you like. The worst part is many of us feel guilty if we spend even a few moments other that to improve their career or work!

 

We live in a very fast paced world and time is so valuable, every second counts to us. You are worried about bills, commitments, and targets etc. Some days you feel like you have the world over your shoulders. Most of us share this reality and it would be in your favour to learn how to find peace in all the chaos before you get sick or run yourself down. Your journey is about staying on top of your game without loosing your life or health, so you have to find peace and do your work.

Here a three things to give yourself to find peace:

Spend time with your loved ones

While it looks impossible most of the time, it is possible if you want to make time for it. We all think our friends, family and loved ones are around all the time and it’s the whole concept of us believing we have all the time in the world. When we believe this we tend to do nothing and a few months go by and you haven’t seen anyone or spent time with them. Connecting with people you care about is rewarding as it calms and slows you down, it puts your mind at ease and will change your focus off the stress. It grounds you in the moment!

Meditate to find peace

Meditation does not need to be a religious process – you can choose to do what ever you want as long as your goal is to get yourself in calm state. Albert Einstein was an extraordinary man and he had one of those minds that just kept going. His process was to hold a pen in his fingers, close his eyes and just breath and as soon as the pen dropped he knew it was time to get up. Meditation is all about spending time to calm your mind and body, to be relaxed and peaceful!

Allow time for yourself

The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself, because this is your life and if you aren’t going to take control of your life then someone else will, with this you find peace easily. We all play different roles in life – you can be the mother, father, friend or partner. We are so talented that we can play so many different roles in life but one important thing we tend to forget is to nurture ourselves. It doesn’t matter how busy you are or how your day went – allocating time for yourself will give a limitless amount of benefits. Creating a true relationship with yourself will determine your relationship with others and I mean that in regards to what kind of chaos you attract in your life. If you find your peace within it will reflect in your world. So whether it is 10 minutes or 1 hour make the commitment to do something alone. You could read a book, go for a walk, do something that is just for you and only you until you feel a tad selfish – it will make you happy and refreshed.

 

These are just three simple things that you can implement into your life easily to find peace. Peace is presence and the only way you will know how to experience presence is to have a relationship with yourself, stop and feel the good in all and see the love you have all around you.

Peace & Love

Passion to Purpose Coach

Michael Sorgiovanni

coach@michaelsorgiovanni.com

 

7 patterns that you are not inline with your purpose

by | Feb 21, 2016 | Lifestyle, Natural and Alternative, Physical Wellbeing, Psychological and Emotional Wellbeing, Relationships, Self Development & Success Skills, Spirituality, Uncategorized

7 patterns that you are not inline with your purpose

 

“The quest for your purpose is not a straight line. It is filled with mystery, signs, obstacles, victories, dead ends, delays and detours. Your job is to stay optimistic and faithful on your quest”. Jon Gordon

We all have this similar goal and it is to aspire to live freely and in complete bliss. We all have more in common with each other than what we don’t. This being said why do some of us have such different life journeys?

The common individual ends up doing what is right or practical that indicates happiness. Living on the right road becomes very unfortunate for many because there is no right road set in place to live a happy life provided to us. Many people loose their happiness and just become existing, instead of living. It becomes a routine and repetitive boring life without heart, soul, or happiness. Consistently feeling there is something missing and possibly expressing in complaints. It is at this point you wonder what went wrong and ponder. It is because you are not living your purpose and lack any passion.

Here are few things that will indicate you are not living your life purpose!

1. Searching: If you are constantly wondering what you are missing in life and searching for the missing link, you are not living your purpose.

2. You’re here: Why do you think you are reading this post? Because, you feel like you are missing something in life – your purpose and landed here in hopes to find it! Your inner self is always searching for what you truly desire, the question is are you seeing it?

3. You aren’t happy: No matter what you do or what you’ve achieved, you aren’t happy. You could be living a dream – luxury, money, loving family, career, fame, and what not! Yet, you aren’t happy and feel something is missing, while everyone who looks at you from outside think you are living a dream – you aren’t living your purpose.

4. Fear of the unknown: You know this isn’t what you are meant to do, but still stuck with it for practical reasons or because you don’t want to leave your routine life – your net of safety in pursuit of the unknown, you aren’t living your purpose

5. Disconnect: Do you feel your life isn’t what it is meant to be and that you aren’t sure about life, though it looks like you have everything you need for a intended and happy life? It means you aren’t living your purpose.

6. Just existing: Every morning you wake up, but aren’t excited for the new day you’ve been given? If you aren’t excited, you are not passionate about what you do. You are just existing and not living? You are not living your purpose.

7. Last but not the least – doing things for the approval of others! There are times when we feel pressured to do stuff for others – it could be your parents’ approval, to appease or impress your loved one, etc. You do things you probably don’t want to do but think others expect it from you, so you end up doing it – you could be living someone else’s life.

We are born into this beautiful world and all be a purpose on this earth to fulfill. Some of us are not even aware of this notion consciously. You have so much to give to this world, why would you choose just to follow the crowd and be like everyone else? Your gift of individuality should be empowered and promoted to serve a purpose. Life can be very short and if we think we have all the time in the world than we really won’t challenge ourselves to do more because we could always do it later. Find your purpose, search within yourself and live the life you were born to!

It begins with finding your passion. Check out this article on 7 steps to create passion -> https://livingyourpowernow.com/7-steps-to-create-passion-in-your-life/

Peace & Love 

Michael Sorgiovanni 

coach@michaelsorgiovanni.com

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4 step forgiveness process

by | Feb 14, 2016 | Business, Lifestyle, Natural and Alternative, Physical Wellbeing, Psychological and Emotional Wellbeing, Relationships, Self Development & Success Skills, Spirituality, Uncategorized

4 step forgiveness process

 

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong”.  

Mahatma Gandhi

 

We have experienced some form of pain and hurt at some point, and even hold some resentment to date. You could experience something as simple as an act done due to sibling rivalry, or simple fights at work or something bigger like a break-up, betrayal, murder, assault, etc. The fact of the matter is, no one is perfect and we all tend to make mistakes of different magnitude depending on the circumstances. These mistakes are sometimes what moulds us who we are today, But, holding a grudge or resentment towards someone long after the original incident can lead to various issues in life, emotional, health problems relationship etc. I appreciate a few issues can leave a lasting mark, but it depends on whether or not you want to let it go, forgive and continue with your life or choose to bring them into your future.

 

So, why should you forgive someone who’s wronged or betrayed you? If you are thinking that I am suggesting you need to forgive the person who’s hurt you because they need salvation or should be able to live guilt-free, you are wrong! Forgiveness is for your benefit and yours only!

 

Holding onto resentment or anger towards someone is the same as slowly torquering yourself, because the more anger you have within yourself the more your body and thoughts will be polluted with negativity. We are driven by emotion in life and if we are hanging onto negative emotions like anger or resentment toward someone all we are really doing on the biological and neurology level is experiencing these emotions in ourselves, in other terms we are directly punishing ourselves.

 

Do you really want to burden yourself and risk your health because you refuse to let someone else go, that probably does not give a crap anyway?

 

 

 

So, how can you forgive? Here are few steps to get you started with the process of forgiveness.

 

Understand: Think and understand what incident or who is actually responsible for resentment or grudge you’re holding. Put yourself in the other persons shoes just for a minute, we all have a different picture in life and we believe what we see and experience. So it is always possible that the other person is seeing a complete different picture from his or her own emotion’s and challenges. Sometimes we can get so caught up that we don’t even know what we are angry at and what we could be experiencing is the blame we have for ourselves and we project it onto another person. My point here is; if they are your emotions you are feeling than you are responsible for controlling them not another person unless you allow it.

 

Talk: In most cases, you would hold a grudge or resentment about a person or incident, but you’ve never spoken to someone about it. Once you identify the problem, talk to someone about it. It could be anyone –Family, a Coach/Therapist, and friend. This has two advantages – one, the resentment comes down after letting it out because the fact of the matter everything needs an outlet, if you hang onto it all that will happen is it will expand over time until it explodes. Talking will also help you get a different perspective of the scenario or person, which will open the possibilities.

 

 

Don’t Expect: The person who wronged you, may or may not regret it. That’s none of your business or concern. Holding resentment is affecting you emotionally and physically and only you. Instead of thinking you will only let go when they apologize, take some responsibility and decide to forgive and let go. Free yourself from the burden. You don’t need to communicate with the person involved or even make-up with them! You can write them a letter and then burn it. You can be as creative as you want with the process just as long as the intention is to let go and get it out of you.

 

Start Living: Irrespective of who’s wronged you, you are defeating them by living your life and succeeding in everything you do! So, focus on your goals and objectives and work towards achieving them. Drive your energy towards leading a successful and happy life and work towards that direction. Be motivated by yourself and your own motives not others.

 

When you let go and start living, you will start noticing positive changes in your mood, stress-levels, health, and what not. Forgive yourself and others and start living your life free from resentment and guilt – you are worth it!

 

For real deep burdens one of the most powerful techniques in this world for forgiveness is an ancient Hawaiian process called “Ho’oponopono”. I wont be going into this process to much as I will be writing a whole article on ho’oponopono in the near future. The process utilizes 4 phrases and the process is as follows. Think of the person or even picture yourself in the situation or the effected part of you and say these words slowly: 1. I love you 2. I am sorry 3. Please forgive me 4. Thank you and then repeat. In this process you will see the image change, it will evolve and become what it is meant to be beautiful, amazing and free.

Peace & Love

Passion to Purpose Coach

Michael Sorgiovanni

coach@michaelsorgiovanni.com

Create Passion! 7 Steps To Create Passion In Your Life!

by | Feb 7, 2016 | Business, Lifestyle, Natural and Alternative, Physical Wellbeing, Psychological and Emotional Wellbeing, Relationships, Self Development & Success Skills, Spirituality, Uncategorized

7 Steps To Create Passion In Your Life

 

 

 

“People who create passion

can make the impossible happen!”

 

Why would we need passion in our life and what is it for?

 

I believe any type of success or achievement has a passion component attached to it. Passion is the feeling behind motivation that fills your heart with joy and the feeling behind achievement that leaves you feeling grateful.

 

If you ask successful individuals about their secret of success, and I use the term success in this post to refer to all contexts in life in your relationships, self-improvement, career, business, health etc. They will all tell you only one thing – whatever you do, do it with passion! Hard work and dedication plays a role, but passion plays a key role in determining one’s success.

 

When you are passionate about something, success and happiness comes automatically. There is a powerful force within all of us and tapping into this source aligns you with your true authentic self. It happens when you get passionate about something and acknowledging the passion and acting on it.

 

So many people either don’t know what they are passionate about or a burdened with limiting circumstances and beliefs that cloud the will to be passion, and instead of even trying to make a change they lower their standard in life and just do what they think they know is best.

 

 

What is life without passion?

You won’t be living, just pushing through and existing.

How can you have a passionate life?

 

Ask yourself these questions to help you identify your passion:

 

  • What makes you happy? There should be something in your life right now that you think you couldn’t do without!

 

  • What is that something you find natural that others don’t? There are times when you do something and others tell you that isn’t easy! It is easy and natural for you; because you’re passionate about it, Acknowledge the feeling when you do this.

 

  • What pushes you to be creative? When you’re passionate about something you are naturally creative and finding ways to make things better. Tap into this creative side .

 

  • What is that you’re passionate about that you aren’t bothered about the compensation? In fact, what would you be willing to do for free and get satisfaction out of!

 

  • What are you very sure about? In most cases, when you are passionate about something, you just know that’s what you have to do and there’s nothing that can stop you, including a fear of failure – because, it doesn’t exist, all that exists is your vision of getting it done.

 

 

 

You want to Create Passion?

Living a life with passion doesn’t just happen, you have to create passion, if you have been living a life that has been unsatisfied and you always seem to find yourself disappointed with people and things, Then there needs to be a big shift in you psychology and habits, to create passion. Our environments we have been exposed to in our life condition us, and it is up to you as the individual to make the changes required to live with passion. Some of us require more that just action steps, there might be some deeper emotions or unconscious patterns affecting your life that need to be released. The first step you must do is to make the decision that you want the change, and when you want to lead a passionate life, here are few steps to follow, how you can create passion:

 

7 Steps to create passion:

1.Start with a list writing down on what you are grateful in your life for. Every one of us will have several aspects to be thankful for and if you don’t know where to start – start with showing gratitude because you are alive, have a roof over your head, have food to satisfy your hunger, etc. Gratitude is the key to being present and the only way to be truly happy is to be present with in you.

 

 2.Accept what life threw at you. We are only given what we can handle in life. There is a lesson to be learnt in everything that happens to you or for you, be the student that learns and grows from the experiences. Everyone has their own problems to overcome you just need to focus on yours first. Be grateful that you were able to overcome and still stand to share your story.

 

 3.Determine your skills, talents, positives, etc. Everyone will have skills, attributes, and talents that are unique. It doesn’t have to be unique, but you possessing skills and talents that are assets are more important. Empower these qualities about yourself change your focus from disempowering to empowering. Be grateful for those and recognize them as your assets with gratitude.

 

 4.Everything happens for a reason. Take responsibility for your life, you are the sole creator of your life and journey and you are in control of how you feel. It is easy to fall into the trap that someone or something made you feel a certain way. “Not true” They are your emotions and feelings and the trigger lives’ in you to resolve not in any external experience or person. Be proactive not reactive. Learn what need to be learnt and grow from your experiences. Be grateful for them.

 

 5.Decide you are going to give your best shot in everything you do and that you deserve more out of life, irrespective of what life handed out you. You’re worth everything and more! Tell yourself you deserve it, Fight for it and Create Passion for it.

 

 6.Discipline yourself to work towards your goals. Action over perfection. Make it a must to progress in your everyday day life and it doesn’t matter what areas in life you are progressing in, the fact of the matter when you are progressing, your achieving so therefor you are happy.

 

 7.Never compromise when you can be more and strive for what you could achieve. Even so, never forget what you have and what you did you reach where you are today. When you grow as an individual it is not always the case that others around you will grow and there will be times you will be challenged to go back to how you did things before. “don’t” Raise your standards in to what you receive and give. Don’t confuse yourself with expectations and standards. An expectation- when not met will have you be left feeling disappointed and emotional. When a standard is not met a decision will be made to meet the needs of your standard. Be thankful for everything, love yourself and every experience, person and whatever you have in life.

 

Being passionate is about identifying what you are passionate about and striving to follow it with gratitude.

 

Peace & Love

Passion to Purpose Coach

Create Passion with me

Michael Sorgiovanni

coach@michaelsorgiovanni.com