“People inspire you, or they drain – pick them wisely”. Hans F Hansen 

Has there ever been a time you were hanging around someone and after you felt completely drained? Maybe you were wondering if it was coincidence, or there was some other problem from your end? If you have experienced this then you are not alone!

There is many ways to look at this for happening but if we break it down to two main factors it will help you understand the reasons behind this happening.

The first point is “everything is energy” and we all know this as it is a proven fact that the world and everything in it is made up of tiny atoms that vibrate at a certain frequency to give us the reality that we see and feel in front of us. Now being that everything is energy and we are all connected on some level, this is all happening on an unconscious level. It is adamant to our existence and the issue sometimes is how we connect with others and the reasons we do, whether it be a positive or negative connection, or even our environments. Just as an example the energy in monk castle is going to be a lot different to a maximum security prison.

Next is people. You might have noticed some people just like to complain and see the negative side to everything and all this really is, is a point of focus. This perspective of thinking carries a certain energy and if you were in the room with them or in a conversation the fact of the matter is you both need to meet on some level to establish rapport. If you are not firm in your energy sometimes it can just drain you because negative needs positive to survive not the other way around.

So may people feel drained after talking or even being around a few people, and like previously mentioned the exchange happens because the different levels and you might leave feeling exhausted, drained or even upset. Now this is all choice and if you allow this to happen it will happen, it all comes back to your standard. What is your standard for people treating you, for the energy you expose your energy too?

So how to handle such people and avoid being drained?

 Identify:

To avoid being drained by other people, you should identify who drains you and possible assess how it makes you feel, is it something that is coming from you or is just a relationship that is weighing you down, either way ask the question how much time and energy are you willing to give it? Generally, these individuals have a few traits you can look out for:

• They’re intrusive and don’t keep to their boundaries

• Dramatic and critical

• Find faults with everyone and everything

• Argue and complain a lot

• Overtly demanding and don’t take NO for answer

• Blame others for any mishap that happens

Now being a holistic coach I am a big believer in everyone is a reflection of you and you are responsible for your surroundings, so I ask before you jump to avoid everyone like this maybe ask yourself – do any of these traits exist in me? In these situations it is recommended to go with your gut feeling if you feel you need to separate yourself from people like this then do it.

Reduce Contact:

Like mentioned earlier, identifying is the first step in not letting others drain you. What’s the next step? Of course, it is staying away from them but like I said be sure that you are not just avoiding you. Creating space is important even if you can’t fully avoid, reduce your time with them, I understand sometimes these people might be the closest to you but at the end of the day it is you that is suffering and you are here on this earth to look after you. So you could give an excuse to reduce the time you spend with them or keep it professional and avoid unnecessary questions.

Don’t Get Involved:

You may have a desire to help people and that is amazing but you can’t be thinking you can fix the person because if you are unaware of what are doing you could just bring your own world down. The fact is you can’t fix other people they have to do it themselves, you may guide them they way. Be empathetic but don’t try and be the psychologist and start to diagnose is what I am saying. Establish clear limits and boundaries and become more aware of your energy and visualize yourself being disconnected by the person e.g. visualise the energy cords between you and the person being cut by a big pair of scissors.

Helping others is a great, but when it comes to handling negativity, you need to have your energy strong and centered to assist. Because if you are not centered you could get pulled in like quick sand.

The most powerful thing you can do is build your energy with positivity and if that means doing physical clean out than follow your gut and do it.

Peace and Love 

Michael Sorgiovanni