4 step forgiveness process


“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong”.  

Mahatma Gandhi


We have experienced some form of pain and hurt at some point, and even hold some resentment to date. You could experience something as simple as an act done due to sibling rivalry, or simple fights at work or something bigger like a break-up, betrayal, murder, assault, etc. The fact of the matter is, no one is perfect and we all tend to make mistakes of different magnitude depending on the circumstances. These mistakes are sometimes what moulds us who we are today, But, holding a grudge or resentment towards someone long after the original incident can lead to various issues in life, emotional, health problems relationship etc. I appreciate a few issues can leave a lasting mark, but it depends on whether or not you want to let it go, forgive and continue with your life or choose to bring them into your future.


So, why should you forgive someone who’s wronged or betrayed you? If you are thinking that I am suggesting you need to forgive the person who’s hurt you because they need salvation or should be able to live guilt-free, you are wrong! Forgiveness is for your benefit and yours only!


Holding onto resentment or anger towards someone is the same as slowly torquering yourself, because the more anger you have within yourself the more your body and thoughts will be polluted with negativity. We are driven by emotion in life and if we are hanging onto negative emotions like anger or resentment toward someone all we are really doing on the biological and neurology level is experiencing these emotions in ourselves, in other terms we are directly punishing ourselves.


Do you really want to burden yourself and risk your health because you refuse to let someone else go, that probably does not give a crap anyway?




So, how can you forgive? Here are few steps to get you started with the process of forgiveness.


Understand: Think and understand what incident or who is actually responsible for resentment or grudge you’re holding. Put yourself in the other persons shoes just for a minute, we all have a different picture in life and we believe what we see and experience. So it is always possible that the other person is seeing a complete different picture from his or her own emotion’s and challenges. Sometimes we can get so caught up that we don’t even know what we are angry at and what we could be experiencing is the blame we have for ourselves and we project it onto another person. My point here is; if they are your emotions you are feeling than you are responsible for controlling them not another person unless you allow it.


Talk: In most cases, you would hold a grudge or resentment about a person or incident, but you’ve never spoken to someone about it. Once you identify the problem, talk to someone about it. It could be anyone –Family, a Coach/Therapist, and friend. This has two advantages – one, the resentment comes down after letting it out because the fact of the matter everything needs an outlet, if you hang onto it all that will happen is it will expand over time until it explodes. Talking will also help you get a different perspective of the scenario or person, which will open the possibilities.



Don’t Expect: The person who wronged you, may or may not regret it. That’s none of your business or concern. Holding resentment is affecting you emotionally and physically and only you. Instead of thinking you will only let go when they apologize, take some responsibility and decide to forgive and let go. Free yourself from the burden. You don’t need to communicate with the person involved or even make-up with them! You can write them a letter and then burn it. You can be as creative as you want with the process just as long as the intention is to let go and get it out of you.


Start Living: Irrespective of who’s wronged you, you are defeating them by living your life and succeeding in everything you do! So, focus on your goals and objectives and work towards achieving them. Drive your energy towards leading a successful and happy life and work towards that direction. Be motivated by yourself and your own motives not others.


When you let go and start living, you will start noticing positive changes in your mood, stress-levels, health, and what not. Forgive yourself and others and start living your life free from resentment and guilt – you are worth it!


For real deep burdens one of the most powerful techniques in this world for forgiveness is an ancient Hawaiian process called “Ho’oponopono”. I wont be going into this process to much as I will be writing a whole article on ho’oponopono in the near future. The process utilizes 4 phrases and the process is as follows. Think of the person or even picture yourself in the situation or the effected part of you and say these words slowly: 1. I love you 2. I am sorry 3. Please forgive me 4. Thank you and then repeat. In this process you will see the image change, it will evolve and become what it is meant to be beautiful, amazing and free.

Peace & Love

Passion to Purpose Coach

Michael Sorgiovanni