3 Keys and Benefits of Focusing on the Positives in Life
3 Keys and Benefits of Focusing on the Positives in Life
“When you focus on problems, you will have more problems. When you focus on possibilities you’ll have more opportunities”.
Life can be happening for you or happening to you! This comes down to what you choose to focus on. You can focus on life being challenging and hard and accept that a lot of things are just not meant to be. Or you can focus on life being full of opportunities. Even the darkest of times and challenges you experience you still chose to see them as opportunities to grow and develop. These are the two mentalities you could adopt and I believe it is fair to say that majority of the worldview live from the perspective of the first one I mentioned.
Most people adopt their set of beliefs that are provided to us as children from our TV shows, schools, religions etc. I’m not stating that all the beliefs are bad but more so, the fact that a lot of people are willing to accept what they have been told is all there is. A true belief is one that created from experience because it is true to you.
There are many evident based studies conducted on how positivity can improve one’s life. If you were to only see the positives and opportunities in life, imagine how your quality of life would be?
I have marked out a list of benefits in adopting this perspective.
Be Optimistic – You might of heard the two types of thinking ‘the optimists vs pessimists. I’m not going to explore too much of the pessimists in this article but more so explore the optimist. The optimistic person will always see the positive and the opportunity in events and life. Being optimist means trusting that good will come of the situation. A lot of people wish they were more of an optimist, but I’m sure some of them will tell you that they just weren’t born that way. We have the ability to change our perspective on life. Some of us it may come easier and some of us it might be a bit more challenging to change. The fact is we all can look at the brighter things in life and its guaranteed as a result you will feel healthier and happier.
“Those individuals that choose to stay positive can work a lot more efficiently under pressure to make better decisions”.
Being Grateful – is a must in life because the opposite of gratitude is expectation and disappointment. Most people that don’t have a gratitude attitude can live very worried and stressed lives, and this way of thinking usually comes with some anxiety. A lot of arguments in relationship’s are from some form of expectation that wasn’t met, now I’m saying this shouldn’t happen, but if it is constantly happening in your relationship than maybe its time to change the focus and be grateful for the good things you have in your relationship not the things you don’t have. Being grateful is a way of being present and when your anxious is usually from you worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet in the future. When you get to a high level of gratitude life and everything that enter becomes a gift.
Awareness – One of the biggest addictions that humans have in this world is negative thinking. Most people just need to think negative all the time, now I don’t believe anyone wants to think like that. I believe what happens after you have been doing something for so long (eg negative thinking) it becomes a part of you and it will require you do something different to change the behaviour. One of the easiest ways to clear your thoughts is to open up your awareness. As broad and simple as that sounds it is true. When you open up your awareness and peripheral to what you’re feeling, hearing and seeing you become more present within the moment. Negative thoughts are never present, they are either past related or future related. So when you open up your awareness you are truly living in the moment and experiencing life at its best.
When you choose to focus on having a positive life, Opportunities arise everywhere, you’re performing at a higher level in life. All of these benefits are possible just from changing your perspective to every wrong there are many rights. No matter what the situation there is always a positive to learn and see.
Peace and Love
Michael Sorgiovanni
7 Ways to Say “No”
7 Ways to Say “No”
When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself!
-Paulo Coelho
If you are someone that has trouble saying “no” then this article is for you. We all have troubles saying “no” to different people, whether it is your friends, boss, supervisor, or family. Sometimes circumstances may appear that they can’t be avoided and if we don’t say yes then who will. Then there’s those other times when you just needed to say “no” but you said, “yes”. This can be a very disempowering and exhausting act dependent on how big the battle is within yourself in the instance. In scenarios like this one mentioned, we can just do whatever the other person wants to avoid something we are not quite sure of, we avoid and fear it so much that you can decide in their favour within seconds. There are predominately 4 main reasons you avoid saying “no” for and they are as follows:
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You don’t want to disappoint the person or anyone else.
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You don’t want to be rude.
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It is just easier to say yes because your “no” might be questioned.
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Or you might even be afraid of lost opportunities.
So what could happen if you were to say “yes” instead of “no”? Maybe you might not have time to get a task done and you end up disappointing the person anyway because, it wasn’t done efficiently and with attention. In another scenario you could even be left feeling down about yourself because you have ended up doing something you really don’t want to be doing and the outcome could be terrible, in these scenarios people would generally sabotage the experience from the disappointment of saying “yes”. Ask yourself is this all worth the effort? Continually saying, “yes” to everyone can really take away a powerful component to life and that is your individuality, your right to choose to do and experience what you want to do. Life is way to short to live and experience through the eyes of other people. It is important to say “no” and here are 7 things you could implement that will help you build that aspect of yourself:
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Be straight out! This may not be the first choice for many but it is the most effective. If you are assertive with your “no” then there shouldn’t be any room for someone to question it.
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Respond with a question. “Doing this means I couldn’t do________this week. Is that good trade? If the expectations are unrealistic then put the options on the table. People will always respond differently when there are options, it gives them power to choose.
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Sorry but I can’t! This is a “no” but can be perceived as very brutal sometimes. E.g. a friend asks you to catch up but you have deadlines on an assignment or project. Politely apologise and tell them you have to decline this time but maybe will make it next time, and then communicate your reasons.
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A soft brush off! Ok, so there may be times you can’t always give a straight answer. What do you do then? Be honest, tell them you are held up with something and you will call them back to discuss. Do make sure you do call or message them back as you don’t want to be rude to the individual.
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Buy time! Sometimes you might no be able to give an answer or even have a suitable argument in case it is a “no”. In this case, buy time. Tell them that for whatever reasons you can’t commit immediately and you will get back to them after giving it some thought.
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Give an alternative! It really depends on the scenario and the person you are dealing with, providing an alternative solution can work wonders. No doubt there have been countless amounts of times you had a better idea but never spoke up.
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Say the word “no”. There are two parts to this category:
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Practice saying “no”, you can just say it to yourself or say it in the mirror. There are many therapeutic strategies that are based around talking to a pillow. In this instance practice saying no to the pillow, this will feel so weird at first but when you get comfortable just saying the word to something it will become easier with people.
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Push yourself to say “no” to people. This is a challenge; and for 7 days aim to say no. Obviously you will have to say yes to the things you need to but this is more about making it a daily ritual and being conscious that every time someone asks you something you will have to look for real reasons to say yes or else it is a no. For the best results I challenge you to count and write down every time you say no and yes. Have fun with it. If you do this challenge I would love to hear your feedback and growth.
These are just a few effective ways to say “no” but the right strategy is one that works with you in situations and always comes from you not someone else. You presence and opportunity to grow into your individuality is a gift, look after it and empower it.
Peace and Love
Michael Sorgiovanni
How to be happy! 8 Steps to Gain Confidence Within Yourself!
How to be happy! 8 Steps to Gain Confidence Within Yourself
“When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things”.
Joe Namath
How to be happy? It’s no word of lie that being confident in life just makes things that bit easier. It can assist you in making decisions and having a more stable life and even feeling a lot more free. Being more confident can help you to stop comparing yourself to others and undermining yourself. You will be less destructive and definitely be more appealing in your relationships. Really think about it, who doesn’t love someone who’s happier, confident and cheerful?
To require this confidence you need to ask yourself some questions. What do you want personally? Do you want to feel more confident about yourself? Do you want have that certainty in yourself and not rely on others validation or approval? Do you want to free yourself from the chains that hold you back from being you? If you answered yes to any of the questions than it is clear that you want to be more confident in life.
Here a few simple ways to implement in your life that will increase your confidence levels and how to be happy easily:
1.Laugh & Smile! These are two easy steps to do. It is not rocket science to know that when you are smiling or laughing you are feeling good. When you express yourself in such a way your brain releases these great chemicals through your body and it just makes you good in yourself.
2.Accept Yourself! Love and accept yourself for who you are even if there are things that you are not comfortable with. When you love and approve of your self as you are, you give yourself permission to be you.
3.Never Compare! You are here to live your own life and to create your own experiences not to live through other people’s eyes and expectations. When you stop comparing yourself to others it allows to focus on strengthening your own unique qualities.
4.Be Passionate. Find what makes you passionate in life and feed more energy into it. This is only going to make you happier and more confident within yourself.
4.Preparation! Always prepare yourself for an adventure. A hiker that is going to climb a mountain is always prepared as if they don’t have all their gear set up they are not going to have the confidence to make achieve the mission.
5.Social! You may feel uncomfortable in public or socializing and that is a good thing as it is an opportunity to grow in this area. Challenge yourself to open conversations with people and stay in them. If you do this overtime your confidence will grow. It’s like building muscle the more you train to stronger you get.
6.Saying No! Learn to say no more to people. If you are person that is always saying yes to people than you are disempowering yourself. Say no more and do what is best for you and take more control of yourself and decisions.
7.Health! Last but not least look after yourself physically. When you eat well and exercise it makes you feel good. Making healthy choices in life helps you think clearer and be more confident in life.
These are just a few steps that will assist you in gaining more confidence in life and how to be happy as fast as you can.
Peace & Love
Michael Sorgiovanni
3 Ways to Avoid Being Drained by Other People
3 Ways to Avoid Being Drained by Other People
“People inspire you, or they drain – pick them wisely”. Hans F Hansen
Has there ever been a time you were hanging around someone and after you felt completely drained? Maybe you were wondering if it was coincidence, or there was some other problem from your end? If you have experienced this then you are not alone!
There is many ways to look at this for happening but if we break it down to two main factors it will help you understand the reasons behind this happening.
The first point is “everything is energy” and we all know this as it is a proven fact that the world and everything in it is made up of tiny atoms that vibrate at a certain frequency to give us the reality that we see and feel in front of us. Now being that everything is energy and we are all connected on some level, this is all happening on an unconscious level. It is adamant to our existence and the issue sometimes is how we connect with others and the reasons we do, whether it be a positive or negative connection, or even our environments. Just as an example the energy in monk castle is going to be a lot different to a maximum security prison.
Next is people. You might have noticed some people just like to complain and see the negative side to everything and all this really is, is a point of focus. This perspective of thinking carries a certain energy and if you were in the room with them or in a conversation the fact of the matter is you both need to meet on some level to establish rapport. If you are not firm in your energy sometimes it can just drain you because negative needs positive to survive not the other way around.
So may people feel drained after talking or even being around a few people, and like previously mentioned the exchange happens because the different levels and you might leave feeling exhausted, drained or even upset. Now this is all choice and if you allow this to happen it will happen, it all comes back to your standard. What is your standard for people treating you, for the energy you expose your energy too?
So how to handle such people and avoid being drained?
Identify:
To avoid being drained by other people, you should identify who drains you and possible assess how it makes you feel, is it something that is coming from you or is just a relationship that is weighing you down, either way ask the question how much time and energy are you willing to give it? Generally, these individuals have a few traits you can look out for:
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They’re intrusive and don’t keep to their boundaries
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Dramatic and critical
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Find faults with everyone and everything
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Argue and complain a lot
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Overtly demanding and don’t take NO for answer
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Blame others for any mishap that happens
Now being a holistic coach I am a big believer in everyone is a reflection of you and you are responsible for your surroundings, so I ask before you jump to avoid everyone like this maybe ask yourself – do any of these traits exist in me? In these situations it is recommended to go with your gut feeling if you feel you need to separate yourself from people like this then do it.
Reduce Contact:
Like mentioned earlier, identifying is the first step in not letting others drain you. What’s the next step? Of course, it is staying away from them but like I said be sure that you are not just avoiding you. Creating space is important even if you can’t fully avoid, reduce your time with them, I understand sometimes these people might be the closest to you but at the end of the day it is you that is suffering and you are here on this earth to look after you. So you could give an excuse to reduce the time you spend with them or keep it professional and avoid unnecessary questions.
Don’t Get Involved:
You may have a desire to help people and that is amazing but you can’t be thinking you can fix the person because if you are unaware of what are doing you could just bring your own world down. The fact is you can’t fix other people they have to do it themselves, you may guide them they way. Be empathetic but don’t try and be the psychologist and start to diagnose is what I am saying. Establish clear limits and boundaries and become more aware of your energy and visualize yourself being disconnected by the person e.g. visualise the energy cords between you and the person being cut by a big pair of scissors.
Helping others is a great, but when it comes to handling negativity, you need to have your energy strong and centered to assist. Because if you are not centered you could get pulled in like quick sand.
The most powerful thing you can do is build your energy with positivity and if that means doing physical clean out than follow your gut and do it.
Peace and Love
Michael Sorgiovanni
Resolve a Conflict – 7 Strategies
7 Strategies to Resolve Conflict
“Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to resolve a conflict by peaceful means”. Ronald Reagan
Conflict is a part of life and it is not something you will avoid completely, it is more something you resolve a conflict and let go at the time. Whether you are a student, teacher, sportsman or businessman. Conflict happens everywhere and for various reasons in each situation. It is therefore important you resolve it in order to avoid relationship breakdowns.
There are different types of conflicts you can experience with an individual and if there were to be one that could cause the most abrupt decision it is a conflict in values. When our values are conflicted on a deep level it can be more of a challenge to resolve as our values are a part of our identity at the time.
Here are 7 strategies to resolve a conflict.
Make a rational assessment.
When conflict appears in you life you have a choice to react and get angry or remain calm and distinguish yourself from the situation and resolve a conflict. Giving yourself time to assess the situation for what it is and act rationally it will be easier to resolve the conflict.
Communicate to resolve a conflict.
Communication is the key to resolving conflict, but it should be done in a calm and non-threatening manner. You can be assertive in your communication but never aggressive and never blame anyone else for an issue at the end of the day you are in it and you put yourself there. Blaming has never resolved anything in life and it never will, all it will do it amplify the situation. Look at the problem as if it is an opportunity to grow and you will find some resolution.
Change your focus.
One of the easiest ways to make an issue worse is focusing on the bad at the time. When doing this, the problem will only get bigger and bigger, and all you begin to see is all the bad and negative traits. Look at the other person’s point of view and solve it practically. Remember the same thing might be in front of us and that doesn’t mean we all see the same thing to resolve a conflict.
Keep an open perspective.
Never look at things as black and white because all you are doing is limiting yourself to any form of growth and resolution. Looking from the perspective of black and white is the same as right and wrong it can only go two ways and when egos are involved the situation tends to heighten. Be open to possibilities as to why the conflict is there and this will get you out of the unproductive narrow mindset, and resolve a conflict.
Create a mutual agreement.
While finding a solution between two parties, opinions can vary. Don’t force other to accept your opinion. Having a mutual agreement is crucial, when everyone agrees the no longer exist.
Listen.
If you want to resolve conflict then you must be willing to listen to the other persons voice not just your own. Even if the other parties are screaming and yelling, remain calm and try to listen. You might be surprised that what they are saying could really be a message to themselves but that is not your job to tell them. Your job is to listen and when someone sees that you hearing what he or she is saying it builds trust and when trust is there an agreement is around the corner.
Stay present.
Don’t make assumptions and don’t bring the past into a situation you are trying to resolve. Factual information and being present in the current situation will allow an opportunity for communication to be more open and make it easier to resolve the conflict.
Peace and Love
Michael Sorgiovanni
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