Life can be this vicious journey that can provide experiences that appear unfair to the average person and I’m sure everyone reading this has had several events in their life that has left some kind of painful event to remember.

These experiences usually take place in our relationships and whether it be a loving relationhsip, friendship or family it is some kind of relationship. There is one common outcome to all these these experiences and it is that one relationship is left with the pain and the emotions to deal with. That relationship is with yourself.

Something happens on an emotional and neurological level when we experience a traumatic event, it creates a seperation.

Our emotional experiences throughout life, and especially during the early imprint years can result in the creation of Parts at the unconscious mind. These Parts generate their own values and beliefs, and are responsible for certain behaviour’s. Overwhelming feelings and reactions, as well as out of control behaviour’s are the result of ‘Conflicting Parts’.

There is a very successful modality called parts intergration I use for these conflicts and it is a useful skill to overcome ‘bad habits’, indecision, procrastination and all sorts of internal conflicts. What it does is bring the part back home to wholeness where it first was before these emotional experiences. All this can be avoided for the future if we create a relationship with ourselves once again.

The relationship that we truly have is with ourselves. Regardless of what stage of life you are one, you experience growth at every step and allow experiences to happen along the way giving you potent life lessons. Have you ever experienced that moment when your inner voice criticizes you for being a size too much and also some time you hear a part of you saying that you are absolutely amazing! This is just a small example of how divided (Part) we are within ourselves.

There are things that we consider as very good and others that we consider bad. Acting without a shred of reflection has the ability to unfurl your Karma that would seem random at best. You always have the power to respond, but if you have the internal awareness then you can prevent a reaction too.

To have the ability to acknowledge that everything has positive and negative aspects and that they all come from within induces a sense of calm. If you see something you don’t like, accept it as a part of life and don’t fight it. If you can remain unaffected by negativity, you will be able to rise above it and do the same for positivity too.

Wholeness is about homeostasis, a state of constant balance within you and the effort to make it so. Sometime we get too excited and soon after experience the state of lowest low. This is what happens when you play with your inner balance. It can be very uplifting when you learn to be calm and composed. It may be perceived by others as numb, but it is a far cry from it!

Here are some ways you can strengthen your relationship with self and become one complete person.

  • Stop Judging: If you can learn to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, rest assured that you are prepared to walk a lifetime in your own! You should have a natural ability to see and appreciate beauty amid flaws. It will not be easy to look past the imperfections but when you do, you will know how to value yourself.  
  • Care less: No, I am not asking you to be self centered who doesn’t care about the world, but I also don’t want you to lose yourself in caring too much. This is what I call as restoring balance to your mind and heart. Compassion must stem from within and you should know when to say no. This will only happen when you respect yourself enough to hold your own.
  • Don’t undermine your self-worth: Don’t be a second choice to someone, don’t settle for less than you deserve. Love yourself enough to have the courage to accept the things that do not weaken your value in your own eyes.
  • Learn to let go: we hear this a lot, let go this and that. But, what does it really mean? Simply put, it means no strings attached and this is no glorified phrase. To let go is the power to not hold on to things even though when you clearly know how it debilitating it is. If it is not good enough, have the strength to walk away.
  • Be forgiving: forgiveness is just as much of consequence to others as it is to you. Life starts from where you end resentment and fear. Someone hurt you yesterday are no reason to hate the world for the rest of your life. Free yourself from your self-imposed prison of grudges and hard feelings. You need to forgive to free you.      
  • Always see glass half full: Ever felt delusional with pain that it took the better part of your rationality? Has bitterness of years slowly chipped away your sweetness? It doesn’t matter what others think but you know in your heart that this world is not entirely a lost cause, that there is still beauty in it. By changing your thoughts, you can alter the reality, so why not make it fine-looking and positive?
  • Always walk straight ahead: To move on does not mean to forget, it just means that you are in acceptance of what happened in the past and you choose to live in the present. It surely doesn’t mean giving up. It means that you pick happiness over misery and are willing to give yourself another chance to set the scale right.

Wholeness is all about harmonizing your mind, body and soul. It is about living your life in such a way that all the aspects of your life become intertwined with one another through coordination. When you are whole, it means that you are never regretful of the choices that you made, even if these choices alter your external reality. A person who is whole will understand this and will be able to make the best choices.  

Life is to be lived through your own eyes not your inner conflicts, behaviours and habbits, Only you know when it is time for you to clear all that is holding you back from shining.

Have a wonderful day

Much Love

Michael Sorgiovanni 

Transformational Coach